Microprogressions

Great Teachers

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 01:25:27 -0400

My mom and dad didn’t react so well to my coming out over the summer, and so when school started, I went to talk to one of my favorite teachers.

Now, he checks in with me once or twice a week, and I can’t tell you how much better I feel about the whole situation.

Thank goodness for accepting teachers.

An Unexpected Apology

Sun, 19 Aug 2012 16:01:11 -0400

This was going to be a microaggression. And then, unexpectedly, it wasn’t any more.

My husband plays board games with a few friends every week at a cafe. Last week, I had dinner with him beforehand and was still there when one of the other players, let’s call him Joe, arrived. Joe is in his 50’s, a geek, and a socially awkward gamer. He’s nice and amiable and fun to game with, but every once in awhile, his internalized sexism slips out in comments and jokes, and it can be awkward.

On this particular occasion, Joe made a quip about my husband tying me down and making me learn the rules of a game so I could play with their group. I laughed it off at the time, but it stuck with me for several days. I usually try to call Joe out on things like that, but the circumstances that day didn’t give me an opening.

Anyway, I’d just about forgotten the comment - things like that just melt into the background static of being a woman in a sexist culture - when I got an email from Joe apologizing for it. He’d been thinking about it and had realized that it had been creepy, and he was trying to be better about crap like that.

There is always more to learn and more deprogramming to be done, for all of us, but it’s nice to see someone take that first step, independent of any prompting. It gives me hope that we can all keep learning, and that one day, the cumulative effect of all that learning will result in a world where no one is ever made to feel unsafe due to thoughtless words.

Frat guys breaking the mold

Tue, 31 Jul 2012 11:41:49 -0400

I’m a sophomore in college and a feminine-identified lesbian. I am also in a sorority. I’m mostly out to the other members after taking a girl I was dating to our formal, and they were surprisingly supportive, but a particularly standout demonstration of progress happened at—of all places—a fraternity mixer. The frat we were mixing with is known for being kind of “bro-y,” heteronormative, and traditional…a lot of beer cans get smashed on heads, if you know what I mean. And usually I’m like, “EW,” but I decided to go because it was my “little sister“‘s first mixer. While I was there, a frat brother started talking and flirting with me and asked if I wanted to dance. I told him, as I usually tell men, that I was a lesbian. I wasn’t expecting a great response—most of the time, I hear “you just haven’t met the right man,” “I could turn you,” “that’s so hot,” and general bullshit like that. It sucks.

But guys do you know what this dude said? He went, “Oh, I didn’t know! Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I actually have some good female friends that like girls. If you like, I could introduce you sometime. That is, if you’re interested in dating right now.” This lightning-fast display of friendliness and respect, in the most stereotypically heteronormative frat on the planet, in a beer-drenched Greek life mixer. WIN.

No matter how you identify on the gender and sexuality spectrum, keep your chin up! Maybe the tolerance, love, and understanding in this world is slowly increasing, bit by bit :)

Yay! For supportive grandparents =D

Sun, 08 Jul 2012 20:56:10 -0400

I was explaining the polygamous relationship my girlfriend and I have to my grandmother (who is a devoted christian).
Laughing she said “bring to my home whoever you want, the many you want. You will all be welcome with cookies waiting. I will love you and all your girlfriends and maybe boyfriends*.”

* I did never mention my occasional homosexual desires to anyone in my family - She showed support even without knowing. *-*

The GAP on Market Street in San Francisco has a Pride-themed window display this weekend, with a...

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 06:27:12 -0400

The GAP on Market Street in San Francisco has a Pride-themed window display this weekend, with a rainbow of T-shirts and a picture of two men hugging in a single T-shirt; other businesses in the city are also making their advertising Pride-themed; there are rainbow flags all over the city. It’s nice to see Pride be so mainstream (by which I mean accepted by the mainstream, not conforming to it - the people I saw at today’s pride event were by no means conforming).

While exploring San Francisco on foot today I came upon an outdoor concert being held as part of...

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 06:27:07 -0400

While exploring San Francisco on foot today I came upon an outdoor concert being held as part of Pride weekend in a park. All sorts of people were hanging out, milling about, sitting on the grass, picnicking, listening to the music - obviously gay people, obviously trans people, people with outrageous and glorious fashion and hairstyles - in sum, people who’d normally be seen as “deviant.” The SFPD was set up around the event making sure people got there safely; there was no harrassment. From inside the event, there was no more deviance or strangeness, just pride and acceptance and friendliness and love. It was beautiful. I realized I’d never been to a place like that, where difference like that was normal, and it was wonderful.

When I was in high school just a few years ago, our GSA was just starting up (and I was too scared...

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 14:18:53 -0400

When I was in high school just a few years ago, our GSA was just starting up (and I was too scared and closeted to be part of it); few people (two, I think) were out to more than their closest friends; and those who were said it was really stressful and difficult. Now my sister’s at the same school, and from what she says, it’s transformed: virtually every teacher has an “LGBT safe space” poster up; the GSA holds outreach events that reach everyone; more people are out; and acceptance is the prevailing mood. Not even micro, I think; yay for the GSA!

I just watched an episode of a TV show I like, and it had a one-off character who was gorgeous,...

Fri, 15 Jun 2012 12:08:59 -0400

I just watched an episode of a TV show I like, and it had a one-off character who was gorgeous, emotionally strong, loving, respected, and fat. This last was never used to belittle her; it was never a plot point; it was just a fact about her body. I loved that she was there for herself and not her fat, and I loved that I was able to see her as beautiful.

even though you don't post so frequently, seeing the odd microprogressions post has always made my day a little bit brighter, more hopeful

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 22:33:00 -0400

Please note nearly all of the entries on Microprogressions are from readers like you. All I can ask for is help spreading the word.

Thank You

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 22:12:00 -0400

Thank you for the beautiful things you have some of you have written for me. For some context, I have been struggling with trans*-related dysphoria following a notice from my insurance saying they will not cover any costs related to it.

To the person who responded “holy crap is microprogressions bullshit.” to a recent submission, I do not think you understand the purpose of Microprogressions.

Social justice and activism are alive and well on tumblr, but do not necessarily touch the people who write, post, and reblog at the individual level. These are their stories. If you do not understand their significance, there are plenty of others who do — and I thank those who cared to tell me just that.

i have a friend who i love dearly. somehow. even though time and time again he would say awful,...

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 22:04:42 -0400

i have a friend who i love dearly. somehow. even though time and time again he would say awful, misogynistic things. today, though, when we were talking he mentioned how his parents told him to just marry a girl who could look after children and cook, and he was really angry that they were being so sexist. it’s not much, but it’s a start.

Small victories in language

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 22:04:36 -0400

I explained a while back that my boyfriend shouldn’t use ‘bitch’ as an insult, and he was very accepting of the reasoning and has not used it after one slipup I can recall.

I myself have been working on eliminating sexist/ableist terms as well as learning that some words and phrases I never thought twice about are actually harmful and thus not using them. It is difficult, especially not using slurs on myself, but I am making progress and isn’t that the most important thing? To try to change?

Visited a band performance where the band players were all kinds of looks and sizes and had lots of...

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 20:38:18 -0400

Visited a band performance where the band players were all kinds of looks and sizes and had lots of qualities that society is mean about, but no one in the whole audience cared; they are all just happy to listen to the music! There were lots of queer people there as well and it was really cool realizing that that sort of environment exists in the real world.

Admin: Considering Closing

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 20:27:52 -0400

I am extremely depressed and suicidal thoughts are beginning to creep back into me after thinking they were gone for good.

Microprogressions was supposed to be an antidote for those creeping feelings — an antidote I thought I could share with thousands of others. I hoped to make allies and hear from other people like me.

Posts like this, rare submissions, and dwindling followers only confirm it and myself as a failure. I am just as alone online as I am off it.

Lately I’ve been coming up against a lot of very upsetting aggression when telling people not...

Sat, 26 May 2012 09:46:46 -0400

Lately I’ve been coming up against a lot of very upsetting aggression when telling people not to use the word “tranny”. The other day, a friend on facebook made a status about “trannies” on the bus. I commented with, “Nice slur there, buddy.” I expected it to start a shitstorm, as a lot of his “friends” on facebook are kind of gross. But less than two minutes after I’d commented, he’d deleted the status.

The other day I saw a friend use the term “frape” to describe having her Facebook being...

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 23:21:47 -0400

The other day I saw a friend use the term “frape” to describe having her Facebook being hijacked. I told her that it made me really uncomfortable to see a portmanteau containing “rape” to describe something so trivial, but I was afraid that she’d start an argument or tell me to lighten up. In reality she instantly deleted that post and thanked me for correcting her.

I spent part of my morning explaining to my older, Mormon sister the difference between transsexual...

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 14:44:20 -0400

I spent part of my morning explaining to my older, Mormon sister the difference between transsexual and transgender so that she can better understand my relationship with my partner. She has actually been the one asking questions about things. She told me that she did not care who I was with and that she had no room for judgement.

I’m in a theater tech class in college, and we all had to take a tool test before we got...

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 08:02:27 -0500

I’m in a theater tech class in college, and we all had to take a tool test before we got started building sets—basically so the teachers can minimize the number of fingers sliced off by radial arm saws and whatever. I’m a girl and I’ve used almost all of them quite a bit since I grew up making things, and when we were reviewing before the test several of the guys double-checked various names/purposes with me since apparently I “know the most of anyone in class.”

Something of a milestone achieved! Please continue spreading the...

Fri, 02 Mar 2012 00:48:02 -0500

Something of a milestone achieved! Please continue spreading the word!

The 8 Stupidest Defenses Against Accusations of Sexism

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 09:25:21 -0500

The 8 Stupidest Defenses Against Accusations of Sexism